Back up, rewind. Watch it again. One car, two cars. Man walking with umbrella. Two women, giggling, crossing as the chimes play. Back up, rewind. Watch it again. One car, two cars. Man. Women. Chimes. Back up. Again.

The pizza's getting kind of old. I'm going to have to toss it and order more. That's okay, I was getting sick of cold, clammy pizza anyway. I can't leave to go get real food... not that I usually do, of course, but here and now I have a job to do.

Switch monitors. So many of them, so many whirring VCRs going at once, capturing the real onto magnetic analog tape. I like that. Reality is analog, it's not digital. It's a smooth and solid experience and not a jittery series of still photos.

My camera's made its way through the air duct now; the sticky tires on the toy car carrying it are working like a charm. It's such a low tech solution, but that's often the best kind, I find. Like dialing dit-dit-dit-doot-dit-doot-dit, putting on your best Cute Voice (because I am Not Cute) and asking the shy geek running the server room what the admin password is because, silly me, I lost my purse.

Electrical engineering. Social engineering. Lying to the real world.

I don't like lying. I like the truth. I like what is true and what is real and what is TRUE.

Truth, committed to tape, analog, real, forever.

I sit surrounded by the truth, piles and piles of tapes. I watch them when I feel distant. I watch them to ground myself.

If I don't live embedded in the truth,

then I'm nothing more than lies.

***

stats.
job description :: information snoop
affiliation :: sumiyoshi-kai
height :: 5'1"
weight :: 94 lb
age :: 25
tattoos :: Teddy bear on butt.
writer :: Stefan Gagne

***

Truth is stranger than fiction.

Why does everybody want what isn't real?

It's so hard to hold onto what life really is.

If you voluntarily let go of the world,
you'll be adrift forever.