name :: Cisum

player :: Chrys [[ ilia ium cisum ]]

position :: THE ASTOUNDINGLY PERFECT LIVING DOLL GIRL!

group :: Asile

Appearance.

I’m pretty // when alone
I’m alright // next to them
If I’m not beautiful // I’ll be anything else

I like mirrors anyway // The reflection would be lovely if I were real
My hair is like silk // That’s what they tell me
Obsidian colors me // But my skins so pale
My skin is so soft // Its artificial, but I forget sometimes. I feel—or remember well

They look alright // Those sockets
I’ve seen worse // So much worse...
They’re almost real // My limbs...

Its not hard to tell I’m artificial // but that’s art, so its ok I guess
Every limb is mine and not mine // but that’s what makes me special now

I’d like to know if I’m beautiful // But their faces say I’m not.
.
.
.
But that’s ok
I change their looks
Like I change myself
To be what I want (or think I can be)
When there’s little left to have

Besides earphones

Everything’s so loud but all I hear are creaks

Background.

Once upon a time
A short time ago // Too short a time, really
There was this place // but you’ll never know where
Where I got to play // A scientists child has the strangest tastes
With the most amazing of things // Dolls like no other
Wires and sockets and chips // all the things that time forgot
And made the puppets dance // And how they danced and danced and danced...
But then they got faces // They were so blank before...
And eyes that saw // They always cried too much
And they didn’t work right // For a long, long time
I didn’t make them // He said they made themselves...
But I saw everything // I forgot how to sleep, when I saw them break apart
I saw them bleed // And not at the push of a button
And I was sorry // So sorry I was as curious as him

B    T
 U     H
   T      E
           N

The pieces started to fit // They lasted through the week
They could dance // But they wouldn’t
They could talk // But they cried instead
And he smiled and said ‘someday’ // While I cleaned the blood off the floor

And I kept playing // I ignored the cries at night
And fixing // So much could break
And watching // He said I’d go blind if I refused to See
And listened // They all had stories, wishes (pleas frightened me when I had the keys)

And he always said // While I slept
‘This is all for you’ // And I didn’t know why
‘This will be perfect’ // And I didn’t know how
Until it was me // I should have known
Until it Was // Perfection is all a matter of opinion—outside of science
‘Perfection’ he said // Fake, said I.
‘A fathers gift to a daughter’ // Was I a gift to another, then?

He said he waited // He should have asked
So I could fit ~ p e r f e c t l y~ // I suppose that was a good point

He says that I’m the Best
His greatest
His marvel
His final production
That cant. ever. break.

It made me sad // I should have heard their pleas...
It worked so well // Replacing me with a doll...

But he was right // He didn’t know that
I was his last // Among his firsts
So I saw it to end // It ended so many years too late

He thought it was a gift // But you have to wonder where all the broken dolls went...

He said they couldn’t understand // I think everyone did but him
But he didn’t become a Doll // He just broke

He couldn’t

Ever

Be fixed

Activities.

I fixed things before // Back with him
So I fix things now // People and wires and lights
It makes me happy // When I make the music start
I like it sometimes // To say ‘let there be light’ on the stage that is home
I saw people break before // I keep saying I’m sorry but it doesn’t help
So I’ll just fix them now // Flesh is so fragile. And wires and steel and lights too
When the mirror gets dull, I fix that too // I can make more limbs, each as fake as the last
And I walk on my hands // Sometimes it makes me smile, to see so many pale
Crawl on me feet // Its far too easy...
I can wave to myself // (from across the room)

I guess I was born // Once flesh and blood and skin that was real
To be a Doll
Pretending to be a Girl
Pretending to be a Doll

Ideals/Motivations.

To fix // Everything can break
To mend // Inside and out--impossible
To be b e a u t i f u l // But Dolls can only be so lovely...

Not everyone is a Doll // Do they like how it looks?
Everyone needs a few repairs // Needles and thread can go a mile
Machines serve their purpose // Dolls should do the same

Attitude.

Why fight? (Yet it happens, in the dark) // Broken things wont fix anything
Why cry? (Its done all the same, when no one’s looking) // A river only floods the banks
Why scream?.... // …Some things shouldn’t be heard

What is…just is // Usually
A smile is just smile // Yesterday is always different from today
A sigh is just a sigh // But sometimes the key to every door
Life is just Life // And never what you asked for

So turn on the music // It’ll make you feel better
Turn on the lights // You’ll be blind to the horrors, if you fear them so...
And show the truth // The masses live with blind eyes—just like he said.

You’re Blind if you refuse to See